Is this THAT feeling?

I think that this summer was a great big leap in the right direction for me and life. I think i finally had the guts to listen to my heart and say No. No i do not want to be a teacher, i do not want to live a practical life, where i wake up go to work and go to bed. So i think that by articulating this finally.... i was open the floodgates for my future.

so... my new vision for my life. To help those around me who just need love and support. For so long i have had this dream of working for an organization like "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," directing and leading people to do amazing things for other people. I don't know if that would be with Make A Wish Foundation, Habitat for Humanity, or something else... but i finally feel the strings of my heart being pulled. I am fired up and ready to start the exploration part. It is almost hard having 2 years ahead of me to finish school. Part of me is scared to death for what the future holds, but another part of me wants it now. Of course i do... just like every other person on this planet who wants things their way NOW. But i feel like i am finally excited about my future and where God will take me.


So now onto the heavy stuff.... my mom shocked the life out of me yesterday when we were having a conversation. She told me about one of her friend's daughter who went into the peace corp for 2 years. At first i was like... yeah and... but then my mom started telling me about how this girl's life was transformed and how God had taken her to some many places. She now has had the opportunity to experience and grow while volunteering herself to the needs of those around her. Mom started telling me that this girl hadn't dated in high school or college and had often been disappointed about not having someone, yet now years later she is married with her first child. I think the thing she realized was that God was saving her for something more than she could ever imagine.

So... as i hung up the phone i was startled by how much was on my mind. The idea of the peace corp scares the crap out of me. Two years of your life to living and working for nothing in a country you are unfamiliar with. INTENSE!!!! But as the day progressed... my heart was heavy. Could i do it? Could i sacrifice the plush lifestyle i live in, to serve honestly serve those around me. What about my family? What about my friends, would i have the strength to leave it all behind to live a life for others? Is this something God is really calling me to?

I barely slept last night because i was so intrigued in the life that God is preparing for me in the future. Yet the amazing part is that i am wanting to learn more and more about people like Mother Theresa and those who gave of themselves fully. I want to have skills and learn trades that could help me in the future.

This last week in Church my pastor was talking about how this Ethiopian was not allowed into the church yet would travel to Jerusalem when they worshipped just because he knew God was there. Though he was not allowed in, he loved God so much that he devoted himself no matter what it took. Come on honestly... what the heck? This is so scary and amazing at the same time.

So... as of this point.. i am praying like crazy. so if you would like to send up a prayer for me that would be amazing. Though it is two years away... i know how fast that time slips by and i am trying to devote everyday to being used. I want to serve and love like never before.

Maybe the reason why i have not had a real relationship with a guy yet is because God is preparing my heart for something extreme. He is saving my heart and going to do something intense before he decides to settle my feet down with a family.

Now the question is... can i settle my heart to see the doors God is opening right now for me to walk through and learn through for my future?

WOW!!!!! INTENSE!!! LIFE IS INTENSE!!!