New Welcome Mat

It is little and has lots of white walls, but they are my walls. It has four little chairs, around a round little table. The couch doesn't really match but it is a couch. My grandmothers quilt hangs making everything taste like home.

It is quiet and just right! It is the realization that i am all grown. It is my very first apartment.

Today was amazing!!! I got to hangout with my new roommate all day.. speeding down the road in search for the best and cheapest decorations to cover those white walls. Feeling the complete satisfaction of not breaking our checkbooks (or visas) at Ikea and squealing like little kids as we raced into our apartment just wanting it to be all done.

Then i went to a friends house and spent a couple hours hanging out with some random people. It felt really good.. because i feel different. I actually cared about the lives of others and how they were spending them. i talked to this random guy who i had met a few times last year and had a great time listening to where he was going in life. It is so awesome to feel comfortable enough to just talk with someone you don't know. FUN FUN FUN.

I am really excited about this year and can't wait to get back into the steam of things. Though tomorrow is the start of training.. which means no freedom, i am really trying to have a great outlook and positive attitude.

Love is the theme of this next year for my life!

So as i sit in this really cute new apartment.. it is like stepping into a whole new Independence and way of life. I am really jazzed to see where God takes me and what he does in my life.

- SHY:)

Um.. now what?

So in the last week i have come home to find that i don't want to be a teacher, i am passionate about helping people, and that i am now more lost than ever. This summer has been amazing! I am so lost right now.. yet am seeing the light. I am finally articulating what it is that i feel is at the pit of my soul. The scary thing is that i am reaching out to a place that is uncomfortable and challenging! I think i am done nannying for the summers... which is scary to say, because that is where my money comes from... but am excited to see where God takes me now.

Why does it seem that everything that is comfortable needs to be left behind? WE get to this certain place in life where everything is flowing, yet then it is time to leave. We are to embark on a new journey that is taking us to places we have never faced before and the waters are unmarked.

It is so crazy.. i was just thinking about how Jesus tells Peter to trust Him to walk out on water to Him. Now Peter has been challenged before, but come on.. walk on water??? what the heck? I think that God is telling me to just take the first step off the boat. Take the next couple of months to ignore everything my head is telling me, and trust Him. I am used to the boat and am comfortable just working the boat, but no.. it is my time to step off. Now... this is so hard because the world is telling me that we are not supposed to walk on water.. we are supposed to stay in the box and stay comfortable. Go to school..get a degree.. get married... live happily ever after... heck no! It is only when we step off the boat that we can see the amazing things that God wants to do with our lives.

I was running a couple days ago and i had all these crazy things going through my head. God was really using that day to hit me hard with some crazy things, but then i fell. I mean hard... i stumbled on a rock and down i went. I caught myself but got pretty banged up, but you know it wasn't about falling.. but about the need to cry. I just bawled like a little baby out there.. all alone. I haven't really cried in a long long long time and it was so refreshing. It was as if finally the walls were breaking down and i could just let it all pour out. My pain.. frustration... depression...fears...reliefs...excitements... etc. It was so crazy to be all alone, but feeling the presence of God so much more.

I am ready for this next year.. i am ready to cast a vision and really act upon it. I am ready to stumble and be scared for what the future is to hold, but really jazzed to see what will happen. I have only been encouraged thus far... so who knows... this world is so short yet so full of opportunity.

Lord- my prayer this year is that i don't get comfortable. Let me struggle and find you in a new way. Lord- may i be Your hands and feet, that i may love like you love and feel a little of the pain you went through. I have so much to learn and am scared at times to see where You are going to take me. Thank you for this last summer.. may i be a light! Your light!

I am on this tight rope for you Lord - this railroad track trying to keep my eyes on You to stay on track!