hmmmm....

These last couple of days have been very interesting to say the least. I feel that at times I am overly controlling. Like I want everything to turn out just perfect in my perfect little timing with my perfect image of the future. IF i just set up the right interviews, drive the right roads, and have everything planned out then I will be fine.

YEAH RIGHT... we all know that God has such a sense of humor. He finds it so funny to just take those big plans that we think are perfect and twist them around until they look nothing like what we thought they would.

Obviously this weekend went nothing like I thought it would. Not that it was bad, but it was very different and difficult for me. I don't like to be unprepared and that is where I am. I wanted to step off the plane... land a job, find a home for the summer, and think this place is perfect. Well fat chance to that!!!

I didn't find a job, the house thing fell through, and everything is brown haha (yeah... winter kinda sucks). But ya know... this weekend has been amazing because I began to realize that the plans I have for myself are usually always that plans that God has for me. So... being at ground zero, I realize that I am okay. I am having to trust that God is going to open doors and put my feet where they are supposed to go.

Now.. I had this great conversation with Kevin today about what I am going to do now that I have no set plans. A lot of people in my situation with walk home with their head down and just go back to life. BUT UM... come on now... you all know me better than that.

I am moving to Nashville this summer!!! I want to experience getting through the rough days and not give up. I don't want to live in California this summer... so Nashville here I come. I may hate it, which is highly unlikely since the people here are amazing. I just need to relax and prepare to pray a lot.

Good times. I know that I am going to read this next year and laugh. But... these last few days I have learned how to navigate around a crazy town... make a really great smoothie * now coined the name Shyberry!!! and have just really fallen in love with the great people around here. So... tonight as i lay my head down.... i realize that I have no idea what the future holds, but hey where is the fun in having everything planned???

First Night in Nashville

It was white and bigger than I imagined (it was my PT Cruiser) I threw my bags in and just squealed. I held onto the new car smell as if it were going to leave me in mere seconds. For a whole minute i just sat and took in the feeling of udder freedom. I am a big girl now was all I could think of. I had just rented my first car in a city I was super unfamiliar with and was ready to begin my new journey. I had my directions and off I went. Let me tell you... the road/highways/driving is so different here. I had to navigate and it was amazing. All worries that had been there before now escaped me.

As I got closer to Brentwood I realized that I wasn't in California as I know California anymore. The houses are HUGE and there are actually trees...green... and what they call the suburbs include a large distance in between homes!!!

I pulled up to the Banks house and was completely calm. As many of you know, I have been friends with Kevin for a while, but have not seen him in over a year and a half. I was nervous to see him, but from the second we saw each other it was like it had always been. All my nerves were calm and it was almost like a little piece of home. His house is so huge!!!!

I realized really quick that If I ever live in Nashville... I have to have a smaller house than this. It is so huge that I felt like I was being swallowed up! His basement that he shares with his brother is the size of half my house. HA.

But... on to the good stuff. So we went to this roller skating rink last night to meet up with some of his friends for a birthday party. I met some really nice people who all made me feel super welcome. But there was this guy...

Okay... before you go off thinking that I have met my soul mate... slow down! Ha. I was hanging out feeling slightly awkward with Kev flirting with this other girl (go for it bud... but you left me in the dust)... so I was just watching the roller skaters trying to remember the last time i had been at a rink (def. 6th grade b-day party) and this guy Adam comes over and just stands by me. Now... kinda weird at first... I basically didn't know what to do with myself... but he was so nice.

His story was crazy. He is from South Africa (I found out that South Africa is actually a country within Southern Africa...felt slightly dumb). His parents moved to South Africa before he was born to be missionary's and he just came back 3 years ago to go to College. We talked for like an hour about his passions and how his heart is to go and work with the political aspects and AIDS side of his country. He asked me about why I was in Nashville and it was just a great conversation. I found out that South Africa is huge and 1 in 4 people have AIDS. That is so crazy.

I guess that what I learned from this experience is that sometimes I completely shut off when I am around guys... like I want to wear this bulls-eye that says i am not interested, but this was great. I will most likely never talk to this guy again, but it was such a unique conversation. Without even really knowing each other we just talked about life...college...and our passions. It was really encouraging to meet a guy that was less interested in what I looked like or what i did for fun on Friday nights and more how God was using me and what I wanted out of life. It was so cool!

This morning I woke up and had breakfast with the Banks family. Talk about a different lifestyle. It was really cool just to get to hangout with a different family and bounce ideas off.

So... tonight I have dinner with the family I hope to live with! I am super excited about that.

I forgot to tell you that I met these two ladies on the plane. They were asking me about why i was coming to Nashville and after I told them, they were like oh my gosh we have the perfect women for you to meet. She is trying to start this charity thing and she would love you! I am going to e-mail them and who knows... at this point I have such faith that God is going to put me where I am supposed to be. It is the feeling of udder hope and faith. I am not scared or worried, but just excited for the opportunity to try something new!!!!

WELL.. I am off to church:) - me

Dang... Here goes!

So I am sitting in an Arizona airport on my way to Nashville. Can you believe that I am about to do this? This whole week I have been denying the fact that I am actually doing this, because many times when you want something to get here faster... it takes forever to get her.

But Here I am. When I walk off the plane.. I am ready to take off. I get to rent a car for the first time, try and get a full time summer job (outside of being a nanny), and try and find a place to live! WOO HOO. I am excited because I feel that so many of the lessons i am learning now, I will be able to use in the future. God has been teaching me so much about working with different people and being a leader in a new situation.

Well.. I gotta run. But if you have the time... pray for me! I am excited but really want to listen for God to take me where I am supposed to go:)

- Gotta get on the plane! - Have a great Spring Break:) - shy

I feel like I'm losing them one by one...

Wow... i honestly feel like i am losing them one by one! It is if they walk in the door for one moment, we share some great times, and then out the door they go. These moments are when i laugh so hard I pee my pants and cry so hard my makeup smears. College is hard.

I have made some amazing friends in the last 2 1/2 years of living down here. I have laughed and cried, studied my butt off, sang at the top of my lungs, passed out of exhaustion, and prayed for more time. But honestly, right now life kinda sucks. Tonight, something dawned on me. The college life is so insecure I have no idea why anyone would want to work here. People come and go so quick and everything is so unstable. What the heck. Each semester brings me one step closer to reality and i feel like i can barely breath.

Tonight I really wanted my mom to cry to. As I shut the door, i realized that life was not nor will ever be the same as it was. People are moving on and out. They are going on with their big plans and i need to realize that. But it is hard to imagine letting go again. I mean, i remember leaving high school thinking that my world had come to an end... and it hadn't. But this is different. These girls have my heart. I am a relational person who loves people and hates letting go.

I am scared to go to Nashville. I am scared to possibly find a new home far far away. But there i go jumping ahead again. Like my dad said tonight "they are dreaming big and so are you." I guess that some of my soul sisters are leaving me and I just really want to curl up into a little ball and weep. Honestly, how can i let them go? Jess, my tall deep friend. Her friendship means the world to me and i can't imagine preparing to let her slip. Elena... we are just new friends and i feel like i am so excited for her future but dang... why can't she be a junior??? come on really? But most of all my third PEA. Where have you gone my friend? Life is busy but I miss you like never before. I miss our laughs and chats and real life worries. I miss us! I am scared for the future and the distance. I hope we can soak up all the today's instead of worrying over the tomorrows.

So... here's to TODAY. I am going to stop whining over all the worries and concerns and realize that God has everything in the palm of His hand. That i can just really breath deeply and cling to what I have in the here and now. May I have joy and peace and never ever forget how lucky and blessed I am!