Total Copycat

So after reading my friends blog, my heart was yearning to be a copycat. She just wrote about who she was and nothing stopped her. So here goes!

I love popcorn that has been sitting in the bowl for a couple hours. I love comfy flip flops and feeling grass in my toes. I don't really like babysitting everyday. Kids drive me crazy. Starbucks water is AMAZING. I hate having to walk on egg shells around certain people. i hate clinging to a certain boy knowing that He is not the one for me. I am just getting through the days at this point and i hate that feeling. I love my family like never before. I never wear lipstick. I talk way too much and yet do nothing about it. I love driving and hate being the passenger. Map quest is one of my favorite Internet tools. If i could travel every week i would. I am so restless. Whipped cream and strawberries make me happy. I am really happy being single right now. i think i don't give guys the chance sometimes out of the fear of total rejection. I don't want to be too rich. i want to honestly and authentically care deeply about people. I want to work at Ronald McDonald house this summer. i grew up in a cult and am so glad i did, because now i appreciate my relationship with Christ all that much more. I wake up happy almost every single day. i can't spell worth crap. I often take the easy way out on school things. I love slow and soft music. I only write late at night. Deep down i think i love Kevin, but not that kind of love. I am insecure alot. I seem to always have it all together, but i don't. Food is my biggest downfall. My heart hurts right now. i really like pottery barn. But i don't want pottery barn, i want to help people. i am a lot of talk and not enough action. I love talking to my mom on the phone. I love feather pillows and when things match.

I like being alone, but sometimes i get depressed when i don't have people around me. the smell of vanilla is so comforting. I am old enough to see the problems in my parents marriage and that scares me. I have so much to learn. Sometimes i wish i could be a kid again, so i could just run and learn and not worry about life. Eternity is scary to think about. Sometimes i can feel God so close and sometimes He feels so far away. I only like talking to certain people on the phone for a long time. I long to be held by a man. I don't think the point of life is to have the happily ever after, but to end being a total servant. I constantly compare myself to others and i don't want that. I want to wear sweatpants that are big and baggy just cause. I love being kissed by the sun and feeling the warmth on my skin. Pessimistic people kill me. Lazy people just make me mad. I love hanging out with non-Christians and learning things from them and loving on them so deeply, not expecting anything in return. Celebrities just need people to love them (not the TV them) but the true them. I feel sorry for Britney Spears and far away she is from what is really important in life. I love road trips and those songs that take your breath away. I love running in the morning and seeing the world begin again. i have been trying to write a story for my aunt since 5th grade and yet can't seem to find the words. i love people.

i want to live in the country one day. i want to walk outside my door and not see other people's house. i want to drive down a long driveway with lots of trees and have a big porch. i want to raise my kids in the country. i want to be close to my brothers even when we are all grown. i want to be constantly challenged by friends. i want to not compare my life to others, but just live fully alive. i don't really like concerts cause they are awkward. i hate smoke and love strawberry shortcake. i want to be a great mom one day, but am way to young at this point.

life is life and i am ready to be used, torn, pushed, pulled, and molded.

Is it the seats?

For some reason airplanes and airports do something to me. I don't know if it is the quiet/lack of quiet or the fact that i am stuck in a chair for over an hour with no where to run. But every time i get on the airplane God does something amazing... it is almost as if He is revealing things to me as i am flying in the air.

I have battled with my weight for years now and sometimes it is so exhausting. I get sick of having to make the right decisions all the time and feeling so bad if i don't. I hate having people constantly tell me oh you don't need to lose weight, when both i and them know that i need to. I know it is not about my body, but it is about getting over the obsession i have with food.

So as i started a new journey this last week, i realized that getting in shape and eating right was on the to-do list. I did pretty dang good, but still needed a little kick. So, as i was reading in this great new book i picked up by Rob Bell, i was stunned at the words i heard.


"Whatever it is that has its hooks in you, you will never be free from it until you find something you want more. It's not about getting rid of the desire, it's about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires."

"If they don't go into a few, select, disciplined pursuits that you are passionate about and are willing to give your life to, then they'll dissipate into all sorts of urges and cravings that won't even begin to bring the joy that the "one thing" could.

Lastly, "how can you make your life about that so that you won't be tempted to give into that"


What journey does God have me on that is going to take me away from food. I want to work at the Ronald McDonald's home for children, i want to do something with homeless, and i want to do something more. I am done, finished, and challenged to be me... not anyone else, not a size 2 but a healthy women of God who is here to make a mark! - that's me

We are all the same

We are all people... we are just wounded and hurting souls searching for something that is so much bigger than words. We are reaching for the light when if we just opened our eye's we would see Him and realize that He is it!

Today jocelyn and John were talking about where they were going to be sitting at this huge benefit. Should they sit next to Shaq or Jennifer Garner? Now, honestly a couple weeks ago i would have been freaking out thinking of how much i would love to get to have dinner with Jenn, but come on they are just people too! They are people who are searching, and scrambling in a lost world. I would rather sit next to a person who has had no food for an entire week, who would appreciate a warm meal and would really appreciate everything. Because as much as i would love to have a heart to heart with celebrities, people forget that they are just people too!

I think we are missing the point in the world. I was having a conversation with my brother the other day about religion and He had such insight on what the problem with religion is. We are all going and searching after the same God, but can't seem to see that so we have to fight over who is right! Why?

Today, i met two morman guys who were walking down the sidewalk in pursuit of who they could talk to next. Now, i used to get really bugged by their interrogation, but not today. I realized that they Love God and want to spread His name, they are looking for something more. Though i do not agree with some of their teachings, there is no reason to dislike or get annoyed by them. I am called to love them as Jesus loves them.

If we are made by God and there was nothing before or after God then we are in His perfect image which means we are to love as God loves. No matter what...

WOW that was random.. but yeah, just some thoughts!

I love it!

I think Gods love song to me lately has been through dance, no i cannot dance, but through music/words/others, i have been imagining me dancing with my Daddy! Him carrying me around that dance floor and making me feel like a princess. So, i remembered this story and i love it!!!! You have to read it:)



FOOTPRINTS…A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

Now you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just
learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way." "Precisely."

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

"You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Looking around

It is another late night and my stomach is sick.

I look around and see Mercedes, flat screens, and spoiled kids. I see wealth like never before and disatisfaction like never before. It is like the material world is in their fingertips, but yet still they hold nothing. How can this be? Well, after being in it for only 2 weeks now, i am coming to realize that i can't do it. I refuse. I was not created to live the cookie cutter life, where all the houses match and we have yoga in the morning.

I do not want so much money that i forget what is important in life. I want to taste life for the little things and not get everything at my fingertips. I want to work hard for everything that i get and i want to cry because it is hard.

What gives me the right to sit in this fluffy bed and just stare off at a fictional world about crap? Why am i not doing something more? Why am i letting everyday pass me by, just because i am tired from watching kids? Whoop di do.. i could be way worse off, yet i take total advantage everyday of what i am given.

I want to be used and molded and made. I am sick of thinking of my life and my needs and my desires. I want His desires and His needs and His journey for my life. I don't want to toss His name around and i don't want to back down... but to embrace, love, introduce, and integrate Christ into every bone/part/gasp of my life. I am empty and down!

i know that these little valleys help us appreciate Christ that much more, so now i am standing back up and dancing around!!! I am weak but ready!

That bored feeling...

So, i have been sitting on this dang bed for the past 7 nights in a row and i am about to choke. I feel so unproductive at the end of each day even after working for 8 hours. Basically what i am saying is that i am bored and still i am doing nothing about it. Sad day right? Well, maybe i just needed to get the relaxing out of the way, so i could feel it and then move on.

yeah... i don't know that was random, but i am ready to start feeling the summer ... soaking it up and not looking back!