Looking around

It is another late night and my stomach is sick.

I look around and see Mercedes, flat screens, and spoiled kids. I see wealth like never before and disatisfaction like never before. It is like the material world is in their fingertips, but yet still they hold nothing. How can this be? Well, after being in it for only 2 weeks now, i am coming to realize that i can't do it. I refuse. I was not created to live the cookie cutter life, where all the houses match and we have yoga in the morning.

I do not want so much money that i forget what is important in life. I want to taste life for the little things and not get everything at my fingertips. I want to work hard for everything that i get and i want to cry because it is hard.

What gives me the right to sit in this fluffy bed and just stare off at a fictional world about crap? Why am i not doing something more? Why am i letting everyday pass me by, just because i am tired from watching kids? Whoop di do.. i could be way worse off, yet i take total advantage everyday of what i am given.

I want to be used and molded and made. I am sick of thinking of my life and my needs and my desires. I want His desires and His needs and His journey for my life. I don't want to toss His name around and i don't want to back down... but to embrace, love, introduce, and integrate Christ into every bone/part/gasp of my life. I am empty and down!

i know that these little valleys help us appreciate Christ that much more, so now i am standing back up and dancing around!!! I am weak but ready!