This morning in church our pastor was talking about the B-attitudes and focused on Matthew 5:3. It was talking about those who are weak in their spirit will inherit the Kingdom. He was talking about how every single person has a part of their life that is just tearing them up.
His analogy was great, he said.... "now your front door may look manicured with a perfect lawn and flowers... but it is what is on the inside that counts, the deeps secrets of the bedrooms and basement that really determine the inner-workings of a person" It doesn't matter if everyone sees a perfect lawn, eventually they will have to see the inside. We are all broken and hurting with something. It is only when we admit we have a problem and seek Him to heal those wounds that we can begin to heal.
I have struggled with my weight since i was really little. Yes, i have always been tall, but i have always clung to food for some reason. I know that each person holds baggage that they must sort through and find answers to and i am still on that journey. I am not sure what void i am trying to fill with food, but i am desperatly trying to find out what the problem is so that i can once again start the journey to being healthy again.
So i am standing here today to say that the smile and nice tan on the outside may seem great, really in the basement i am not doing good. I feel fat all the time and still eat. I know that in the worlds eye's i might not seem overly overweight, i know that there is a problem.
I feel that Satan has hit different people with different things and today i can see that he has me gasping for air when it comes to food. I do not want to think about food all the time and how i look. I want to be free to live and be free to dance for Jesus. Not this world, but i want my basement to match the smile in the front yard.
Lord - Please fill my life with purpose that will help me not cling to any Earthly thing, but You and you alone. I want to move forward today. Be my source, my strength, and may i keep my eye's upon You at all times. Food cannot and will not dictate my life. - your daughter
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A crazy passionate girl on the ride of her life.
1 comment:
Well, I can say now, without a shadow of a doubt, that I know why we are rooming together next year. This has been my life's struggle as well...I wouldn't have guessed this would be yours too. I don't think many people truly understand how much it hurts sometimes... I am glad you are sharing this, because I don't ever tell anyone that I struggle with this. I understand COMPLETELY what you go through daily! I'm here if you ever need to just talk...but, of course, you know that! ;)
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