Okay... so the question is .... when i say "I love you" am i being real? Or am i always holding something back? Do I love Him enough to give everything else away and stand bare in front of Him? It is so easy to say that i would sacrafice everything... but when i really think about it... am i being honest with myself?
I need You to Love me! Stop this pretending that i can't somehow deserve what i already have.
I feel so often i am acting as though i am giving God everything... but i am not! I am not giving Him anything actually. I am giving Him the pieces but not the whole thing. When am i going to be ready to give the entire thing? And i am pretty sure that He is not going to put distractions in my life until i am ready to sacrafice everything.
It is so hard for me to articulate what i am feeling... and this sucks. Basically i hate falling for a guy who isn't interested. He comes across as interested and then boom... never mind. Something happens and that is over.
Am I really looking for a relationship or just trying to fill a void? This world is so much bigger than CBU. I think i dropped everything at the first signs... but God please fill this gap that is tearing my heart apart. It is this feeling of never being good enough. AHHHH.....
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