Wow... i honestly feel like i am losing them one by one! It is if they walk in the door for one moment, we share some great times, and then out the door they go. These moments are when i laugh so hard I pee my pants and cry so hard my makeup smears. College is hard.
I have made some amazing friends in the last 2 1/2 years of living down here. I have laughed and cried, studied my butt off, sang at the top of my lungs, passed out of exhaustion, and prayed for more time. But honestly, right now life kinda sucks. Tonight, something dawned on me. The college life is so insecure I have no idea why anyone would want to work here. People come and go so quick and everything is so unstable. What the heck. Each semester brings me one step closer to reality and i feel like i can barely breath.
Tonight I really wanted my mom to cry to. As I shut the door, i realized that life was not nor will ever be the same as it was. People are moving on and out. They are going on with their big plans and i need to realize that. But it is hard to imagine letting go again. I mean, i remember leaving high school thinking that my world had come to an end... and it hadn't. But this is different. These girls have my heart. I am a relational person who loves people and hates letting go.
I am scared to go to Nashville. I am scared to possibly find a new home far far away. But there i go jumping ahead again. Like my dad said tonight "they are dreaming big and so are you." I guess that some of my soul sisters are leaving me and I just really want to curl up into a little ball and weep. Honestly, how can i let them go? Jess, my tall deep friend. Her friendship means the world to me and i can't imagine preparing to let her slip. Elena... we are just new friends and i feel like i am so excited for her future but dang... why can't she be a junior??? come on really? But most of all my third PEA. Where have you gone my friend? Life is busy but I miss you like never before. I miss our laughs and chats and real life worries. I miss us! I am scared for the future and the distance. I hope we can soak up all the today's instead of worrying over the tomorrows.
So... here's to TODAY. I am going to stop whining over all the worries and concerns and realize that God has everything in the palm of His hand. That i can just really breath deeply and cling to what I have in the here and now. May I have joy and peace and never ever forget how lucky and blessed I am!
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