SAY

So... I am listening to this song by John Mayer and it really is my song of the moment.

This week has been one brutal week. I got this sweet set up job... nannying two boys (2 and 4) and would get paid bank. Basically all my financial worries would be taken care of for this next school year and I was ready. It was going to be great. I show the first day and realize that something was seriously wrong. Every image of what I thought it was going to be like was thrown out the window... basically this dream job came tumbling down.

The kids are totally undisciplined, the mom is a tade bit crazy...and no money is worth the feeling deep down that this is just not good. As most of you know I am a very loyal person. If i say that I am going to do something, I do it and I try to do it great. So.... the first two days I was caught in this spiders web of wanting to quit but staying loyal. Now, of course this was the first couple of days.... but I felt like I was suffocating. I would sit at the table with the little boy and honestly feel like I couldn't breath. It was this overwhelming feeling. I have never really felt spiritual warfar before... but I am pretty positive this was satan attacking the heck out of me!

I called my dad bawling... now when was the last time i did that? I am pretty confident in my ability to watch kids, but this feeling was unlike anything I have ever felt in my entire life!

So... i started praying and after a lot of tears.... I am gonna say what I need to say. No money is worth the feeling deep down that this is not right. I am going to quit something! I AM GONNA QUIT SOMETHING. It has never felt so good to say that. I am taking care of myself and listening to Gods still small voice.

So today as I go to my last 2 day of work, i am going to put that smile on and then i am high tailing it out of there. I am going to work my butt off... and then tomorrow when I get off... I am going to SAY what I need to say... even if my hands are shaking... and my faith is slightly broken... I am gonna say what I need to say.

I know that God puts little things like this in our lives to help us rely totally and completly on Him. and even without a new job lined up, I am going to trust that the feelings He put on my heart are true and real. WOW... it sucks being an adult at times.

This week has been powerful and emotionally, but really honestly the biggest leap that I have taken in a LONG LONG time... i am taking care of myself!