I was here...

For the past couple of weeks i have been in a kind of funk. Not one of those all out depressed moods, but one of those periods of life filled with a ton of reflection. So I thought I would share.

This semester has been rough. This summer I really worked on trying to figure out who I am and what I love. I was on a roll...trying the things I thought I would never try and crossing things off my bucket list constantly. But then the thing I was scared about most happened. I came back to school and things kinda stayed the same. I got back into routine
...school...work...RA...friends...marathon training... trying to breath in the middle of all of it. But something started happening.

I started loosing days to my busy schedule. I became that go-to-girl again. While at the same time freaking out because I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. That is such crap!

Something really hit me the other day as I talked with Ken. I told him about some of my struggles and he told me that I was too focused on the big picture. I was allowing the thought of the future to stop me from embracing my present. It was the small things that would dictate the rest of my life and I was forgetting to relish those small moments. How are we supposed to know what God has put on our hearts if we are so worried about finding the big picture now.

I know that God put certain hidden things in my heart, that I will progressively see glimpses of a little at a time...but I was letting life stop that discovery.

I guess at the same time, I had to go through this period to realize what I don't like. To realize that I am letting the last year of college slip by. That I can use my weekends and time off to really search and find out what little things are tucked back in my heart. And begin to say "No" to certain things so that I have the chance to really love what i spend my time doing.

I was listening to this song called "I was here..." by Lady Antebellum and it was amazing. It is talking about all the different passions people have and how they have left their mark. I want to do something that matters and that at the end of it all (if that is tomorrow...or 60 years from now) that i spent my last breath being passionate. I want to not just float by, but create magic. I want to spend my days loving people and finding out their story. I want to reach my handout and help someone up when they are down. I want to be the encouragement to that person when they have no one else supporting them.

So, as I have one last week of school before break. I am going to use this opportunity to do something amazing this week. I am going to do something on my bucket list. Do i know what it is yet... not exactly...but it will come to me.

Be inspired today. Figure out one little thing that you love today and do it! For there is a reason that God placed it on your heart and if you chose to follow it...maybe just maybe you will find your future.