August 5th

I am conflicted in a strong way tonight. This week has been great, i am exhausted from working all the time... but life is fabulous. Yesterday I had this run that took my breath away. The sun was just coming up, there was steam coming off the pond, and my smile was shining bright. So good.

I was offered the United Way job and after thinking it was "It" a few weeks ago, I kindly refused. So strange that sometimes our visions are so far from what God has in store for us. I am now interviewing for a full time position at Medfusion a web developing company. I love my job. I love my new work friends, I love love love it. I look forward to going to work everyday, because I have NO idea what i am going to do. Or how long my to-do list is going to be. I love it though:)

I have found an incredible church. The Summit rocks my socks. I am challenged and called out every week. So so good! I also joined a small group with Deanna and those girls have my heart. Our bible studies go for 3 hours and i can't get enough. We are planning all sorts of fun together soon... ie. camping trips, dancing lessons, running groups, taco Tuesdays:) Such joy to my heart.

And these girls...they are the real deal. We are all struggling, but digging deep and being vulnerable. I love it:)

But this evening my world was rocked. I found out that D is moving home *yes back to Cali. And the crazy part was that I was not shocked. I knew for a long time that her heart was not in love with NC like mine was and that she was not happy. But i guess i never realized how much she hated it. So in a little less than a month, she will be packing her car and driving back. I totally understand and am supporting her, but my heart just hurts.

I guess it hurts to lose her and lose what I had envisioned as being this amazing journey together. But at the same time I also realize how much i love where I am and wish that for her. I wish her the world basically. That her heart would land somewhere so good. That she can walk out on her patio and feel what I feel when I walk out on ours. That satisfying feeling of "JUST RIGHT."

So...tonight I am just trying to focus on the here and now. To not jump to any conclusions and breath through every moment. All the little factors will play out just right and I will remind myself that each and everyday. That God is in complete CONTROL. That while it is my tendency to panic, this will be different. I may struggle, but I will TRUST.

I am thankful for each and every moment of this journey and am so excited to see where tomorrow takes me:)

As Ginnie Owens sings:

So if all these trials bring me closer to you, I will walk through the valley if you want me to.

It may not be the way that I would have chosen, when you lead me through a world that is not my own...but you never said that it would be easy, you always said "you'll never go alone"

Life is so good.