Taking flight...

One of my favorite parts about keeping a journal is when you can look back on all the crazy twists and turns that life takes and just smile. I was reading my journal just now from this spring and am baffled by the lessons and growth that has taken place. I was reading an entry from the last day of college and the crazy emotions that were bottled up in my heart. So incredibly uncertain as to where I would be in the upcoming weeks and months. Having no idea how I would ever move on from a place that I had called home for 4 years. I was scared and uncertain.

My two songs of the moment had been, "While I am Waiting" by John Waller and "Brighter Days" by Leeland. Songs about the uncertainties of life, but still having the courage to trust that God's plan far exceeded what I had ever dreamed.

Jump to the feeling when I crossed the state line into NC. I felt this exhilarating and powerful sense of peace. An exciting and thrilling yet slightly terrifying feeling at the pit of my stomach. I had no idea why I was in this crazy new state, but I knew that it already felt amazing.

Then to my entry in the early parts of July describing how discouraged I was. I still didn't see how little pieces would fit together. I was discouraged about my job hunt, was still trying to make friends, and had no idea how I would live without my Bf if she moved.

Jump 2 months ahead. September 15th 2009. God is Good. He hears my heart and He provides in ways that I cannot describe.

I have an amazing job. I just found out this past week that I am being promoted! After less than 2 months as an Administrative Assistant at Medfusion, I am being promoted. I will soon be the HR Assistant for a company that is bursting at the seams. I am getting free training and am LEARNING so much! And I am loving even the stressful moments.

God put me in a church that is so amazing. It so aligns with my heartbeat it is crazy. I am challenged each week and am constantly encouraged to use my hands....not just my words.

I have FRIENDS! Not only have I made some great friends at work, but I am also apart of a small group that is so fantastic. We are RAW. Real and getting deeper by the week. These girls have my heart.

I had NO idea what life would look like outside of college! A new friend and I were having dinner tonight and we both laughed thinking that life would be dull outside of college. UM...yeah right. I finally have time to try all the things I was too busy to try before.

I am crossing things off my bucket list right and left. My passion for life is continuing to grow and so are my cooking skills:)

I am truly happy. I wake up the morning to birds chirping, fog rolling off the pond, and a cool breeze. If you could snap a picture of what I desired in my heart 6 months ago, this is it. I am home.

So there is my September update. I have no idea where I will be in 6 months from now. But one thing is certain... I will soak it up. For each journal entry holds a story and I am just starting this crazy novel of life.

Where to begin...

This weekend has been rough.

It is a little before 9 on Labor Day and i am surrounded by candles. George Winston is floating in the background and I am truly alone. The weekend crafts are finished, the cookies have been baked, and the apartment has been cleaned. I wondered what this feeling might feel like, but now I am surrounded with quiet and am not sure really how to handle the swirl of emotions swimming in my head.

I am on my own. I am in a state, apartment, bedroom...all alone. There is this mix between freeing and terrifying feelings buzzing in my heart. My near and dear BF moved away from me this weekend and while it was time, it doesn't remove the fact that the quiet is a constant reminder of her departure.

I am a big girl now. I am truly on my own for the first time in my life and it scares the crap out of me. I know that God has, is, and will provide for me...but it is still scary. I am lonely. I am lonely, okay so there i said it.

I felt something this weekend that I haven't felt in a long time. The longing for a man. I think for a long time I pushed away the thought of a man, in fear that i would have to once again divide my time between my best friend and boyfriend. And while that sounds silly, if you had a bf like Deanna you would understand. She is way too cool to neglect.

But with her departure something in my heart burst open. Maybe a brick wall had formed around those desires...and now slowly but surely they are coming down brick by brick. While i feel like i am open to the thought of being in a relationship, I also have a strong inclination that it will still be a while. Which also forces me to really be okay with where God has me. To enjoy the quiet and to continue growing as a single women. To realize that there will be lonely weekends where i am truly alone, but also realize that this may be the only point in my life where I can find the time to breath...learn...and grow...ALONE.

So as the apartment stays quiet for the next who knows how long...i will rejoice in this space. I will leave a mess on the counter, walk around in my sports bra, and sing a the top of my lungs. For this girl is on her own. ON HER OWN. In a state, apartment, job, church, and place that she loves.

Back to Chris Botti and Redeeming Love I go!